(From the Janesville Messenger, 3-30-08)
You need a permit to do practically everything now. Including, if you live in Janesville, walking down the street.
With Tuesday’s Janesville City Council election almost upon us, it’s been disappointing that one of the more controversial issues being discussed by the city has been virtually ignored by the council candidates.
I’m talking about a proposal to require pedestrians to apply for pedestrian licenses.
These are not unlike driver’s licenses, but they could potentially be required for those who frequent the city’s sidewalks in high-traffic areas like Milton Avenue or Milwaukee Street.
The problem is, quite simply, driver distractions. Distracted drivers are a safety hazard, and one of the things diverting their attention from the road is the appearance of pedestrians along their routes. This is especially a problem in the warm weather months, when personal comfort requires less clothing.
Fortunately, the city has come up with a plan. They would like to regulate the appearance of pedestrians along with the actual amount of time that a pedestrian can be viewed by a driver.
When a pedestrian applies for their license, he or she will be evaluated according to standards developed by the city based on community values and aesthetics. Basically, what it means is that you can’t be too beautiful – or for that matter, too ugly – to distract drivers. You have to be judged “average” both in terms of body mass index and on the Clooney/Berry Scale. The Clooney/Berry Scale is a 1-to-100 point system of beauty where George Clooney and Halle Berry are considered 100 and everyone else is rated according to that standard. If your score falls above or below the “average” range, you may still be allowed a conditional permit if you follow certain clothing requirements that cover up your natural attributes or failings.
Beside the actual appearance of pedestrians, the city is also concerned about the amount of time that you are potentially exposed to them. There are no real studies on the subject, but the city has estimated that a driver is exposed to the average pedestrian for about 10 seconds. Since our natural tendency as drivers is to look over and see if we know the person, the city has judged this amount to be too long. However, if a pedestrian is walking more slowly, the driver will pass them by more quickly and not have the opportunity to stare at them.
So the city has decided that the maximum average allowable exposure is 6 seconds. Thus, citizens with a pedestrian license will also have to follow a speed limit, with fines or a loss of license for repeat offenders. Joggers, you’re out of luck unless you stick to lightly-traveled side streets or the city trail.
The amount of regulation involved, as well as the amount of time the city planning department has devoted to this, is mind-boggling. I, for one, would certainly like to know how the city council candidates in this week’s election feel about it.
If you would like more information on pedestrian permits and licenses, please call the “Let Us Walk” hotline at 608-APRIL-FOOL.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Knowing the Meaningless
(From the Janesville Messenger, 3-16-08)
I can remember a lot of useless information.
For example, I can tell you that William the Conqueror and the Normans defeated the Saxons in 1066 in the Battle of Hastings, an event captured on the Bayeux Tapestry.
I cannot tell you what I had for lunch yesterday.
I can remember that Packers coach Dan Devine broke his leg during his first game with the team, a 42-40 loss to the Giants in 1971. I can’t remember why I just went down to the basement.
I can’t remember why I just went down to the basement.
It seems a ridiculous dichotomy, being able to remember trivial details but unable to recall what a co-worker said to you ten minutes ago. When I’m in a particularly paranoid mood, I wonder whether it’s the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. When I’m not, I theorize that I just have a lot more on my mind these days than I used to. Perhaps my brain is full, and like Professor Dumbledore in the "Harry Potter" series, I need my own pensieve - an external storage receptacle for memories – so I can unclutter my mind.
Regardless, it is this pseudo-Rain Man quality that led to my participation in the Janesville Literacy Council’s recent trivia contest fundraiser. I was asked to join the Lab Safety Supply team, led by their human resources director Tim Markus. (Tim and I share a guilty pleasure for really, really bad songs from the 1970’s, but that’s a topic for another column. In the meantime, don’t get us started on the merits of the group Paper Lace.)
Being asked to join their team was an honor, since last year they had taken second place in this event, losing out to a scholarly group from Blackhawk Technical College. The mission this year...revenge.
Twenty teams participated in this year’s trivia contest. Some wore matching clothing or, in the case of a team from Sanford Business-to-Business, gigantic hats. Many had cute team names. Our highly original name? Team LSS. Hey, we’re serious about our trivia.
The format of the contest consists of three rounds. In each of the first two, you are given a sheet with 100 questions and a time limit in which to complete it. After the first two rounds, the top two scoring teams go head-to-head in a game-show-style format to determine the champion.
For the first two rounds, our team saved time by doing the sheets assembly-line style, dividing the questions among the four of us so we were each working on 25 simultaneously. When we were all finished, we checked answers, discussed and put a final hand-in sheet together before time was up.
Coming in to a team with such a formidable group of trivia players, my main goal was to contribute. As it turned out, we were a pretty well-matched team. Several times, only one of us knew the answer to a question that stumped the other three.
The first round questions ranged from ones I considered pretty easy (“Who painted the ‘Mona Lisa’”?) to the interesting (“Quien es el rey de Espana?”) to the challenging (“In what biological genus would you find the Yorkshire Terrier, the Silverbacked Jackal and the Grey Wolf?”). Besides the type of questions you might find in Trivial Pursuit, there were several Wisconsin history questions and even some Janesville questions (“In what profession was Janesville’s Henry Tallman trained?”).
We ended the first round with 85 correct, putting us in third place behind our arch nemesis BTC (87) and another bunch of academics from UW-Rock County (88). We kicked ourselves a little because there were a couple of questions we clunked that we thought we should have known.
But still, we felt confident going into round two, where the questions were more difficult and the points for each correct answer doubled. Confidence, alas, was not enough.
Though our 76 correct in round two was enough to pass BTC, UW-Rock County bagged a jaw-dropping 91 out of 100 questions. We were denied a spot in the top two when a group from Mercy Clinic South leaped ahead of us with an impressive 86. So we had to be content to take our third-place finish and watch Mercy and UW-Rock County duke it out on stage.
In retrospect, it turned out to be a good thing we didn’t have to go up there. UW-Rock County spanked the team from Mercy. The match was never close, and I shudder to think how we might have fared against the mighty educators. To use an overused idiom, UW-Rock County was a well-oiled machine, firing on all cylinders and obliterating anything in its path.
So our challenge is clear. We will need to start a rugged training regimen of lifting books and taking HBH (human brain hormones). And as Chicago Cubs managers have been saying for the past 100 years, “Wait ‘til next year.”
I can remember a lot of useless information.
For example, I can tell you that William the Conqueror and the Normans defeated the Saxons in 1066 in the Battle of Hastings, an event captured on the Bayeux Tapestry.
I cannot tell you what I had for lunch yesterday.
I can remember that Packers coach Dan Devine broke his leg during his first game with the team, a 42-40 loss to the Giants in 1971. I can’t remember why I just went down to the basement.
I can’t remember why I just went down to the basement.
It seems a ridiculous dichotomy, being able to remember trivial details but unable to recall what a co-worker said to you ten minutes ago. When I’m in a particularly paranoid mood, I wonder whether it’s the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. When I’m not, I theorize that I just have a lot more on my mind these days than I used to. Perhaps my brain is full, and like Professor Dumbledore in the "Harry Potter" series, I need my own pensieve - an external storage receptacle for memories – so I can unclutter my mind.
Regardless, it is this pseudo-Rain Man quality that led to my participation in the Janesville Literacy Council’s recent trivia contest fundraiser. I was asked to join the Lab Safety Supply team, led by their human resources director Tim Markus. (Tim and I share a guilty pleasure for really, really bad songs from the 1970’s, but that’s a topic for another column. In the meantime, don’t get us started on the merits of the group Paper Lace.)
Being asked to join their team was an honor, since last year they had taken second place in this event, losing out to a scholarly group from Blackhawk Technical College. The mission this year...revenge.
Twenty teams participated in this year’s trivia contest. Some wore matching clothing or, in the case of a team from Sanford Business-to-Business, gigantic hats. Many had cute team names. Our highly original name? Team LSS. Hey, we’re serious about our trivia.
The format of the contest consists of three rounds. In each of the first two, you are given a sheet with 100 questions and a time limit in which to complete it. After the first two rounds, the top two scoring teams go head-to-head in a game-show-style format to determine the champion.
For the first two rounds, our team saved time by doing the sheets assembly-line style, dividing the questions among the four of us so we were each working on 25 simultaneously. When we were all finished, we checked answers, discussed and put a final hand-in sheet together before time was up.
Coming in to a team with such a formidable group of trivia players, my main goal was to contribute. As it turned out, we were a pretty well-matched team. Several times, only one of us knew the answer to a question that stumped the other three.
The first round questions ranged from ones I considered pretty easy (“Who painted the ‘Mona Lisa’”?) to the interesting (“Quien es el rey de Espana?”) to the challenging (“In what biological genus would you find the Yorkshire Terrier, the Silverbacked Jackal and the Grey Wolf?”). Besides the type of questions you might find in Trivial Pursuit, there were several Wisconsin history questions and even some Janesville questions (“In what profession was Janesville’s Henry Tallman trained?”).
We ended the first round with 85 correct, putting us in third place behind our arch nemesis BTC (87) and another bunch of academics from UW-Rock County (88). We kicked ourselves a little because there were a couple of questions we clunked that we thought we should have known.
But still, we felt confident going into round two, where the questions were more difficult and the points for each correct answer doubled. Confidence, alas, was not enough.
Though our 76 correct in round two was enough to pass BTC, UW-Rock County bagged a jaw-dropping 91 out of 100 questions. We were denied a spot in the top two when a group from Mercy Clinic South leaped ahead of us with an impressive 86. So we had to be content to take our third-place finish and watch Mercy and UW-Rock County duke it out on stage.
In retrospect, it turned out to be a good thing we didn’t have to go up there. UW-Rock County spanked the team from Mercy. The match was never close, and I shudder to think how we might have fared against the mighty educators. To use an overused idiom, UW-Rock County was a well-oiled machine, firing on all cylinders and obliterating anything in its path.
So our challenge is clear. We will need to start a rugged training regimen of lifting books and taking HBH (human brain hormones). And as Chicago Cubs managers have been saying for the past 100 years, “Wait ‘til next year.”
Friday, March 7, 2008
This Game Rocks, Dude
(From the Janesville Messenger, 3-2-08)
The generation gap can be bridged...with a plastic guitar.
Because my usual behavior doesn’t often match my age, one might question whether a generation gap actually exists in my household between my two teenage children and me. Actually, the fact that I’m using the term “generation gap” may be all the proof that’s needed.
But my teenagers and I have found a way to connect...through music.
Finding musical common ground between generations is not always that easy to do. After all, the music of my parents’ era was Frank Sinatra and Glenn Miller. It’s hard to believe that in terms of years, we are now as far removed from the Kiss song “Rock And Roll All Nite” as that song was from “In The Mood.” A lot of the music of the 1970s and ‘80s simply doesn’t seem that old. Even the current musical flavor du jour, hip hop, came to the fore at that time and doesn’t sound much different today. (Just for the record, I didn’t care for it then, either.)
Still, it’s shocking to me that songs that were once considered loud or decadent or edgy are now being used for school pom pom routines and show choir performances. In fact, it was the show choir experience that started to put my kids and I on the same musical map.
But it was when we purchased the video game “Guitar Hero” that our musical worlds really collided.
For the uninitiated, “Guitar Hero” features a guitar-shaped controller that allows players to simulate the playing of rock music. It’s easier than actually playing a guitar but the concept is the same. Your left hand is on the frets – though in this case, it’s pushbuttons – and your right hand uses a strum bar to “play” the notes. Basically, as a song plays, you see the notes you are supposed to play scrolling toward you on the video screen. At the right time, you simultaneously press the correct buttons and the strum bar. When you’re done with the song, you get a score based on the percentage of notes you played correctly. This game has obviously struck a chord with the public, as sales have now topped the $1 billion mark.
Beside the fact that it gives a musical no-talent like myself the feeling of actually being able to play a song, the 73 songs included in the game represent each of the past four decades, a veritable rock music history lesson.
Some of the game-maker’s song choices are inspired. Among the selections are 40-year old chestnuts by The Rolling Stones, Alice Cooper, Santana and Cream. It has certainly helped my kids’ musical education. Prior to this, they were not the least bit familiar with The Who or ZZ Top.
But at the same time, the selections show how much music has changed in the last 30 years. When I was in high school, The Dead Kennedys were a hardcore punk band on the lunatic fringe of rock music. Radio stations wouldn’t touch them. But they are now considered acceptable for the most popular video game in the world. Likewise with The Sex Pistols. At the time, they were incredibly controversial and just one more reason why my parents thought the end of the world was near. Yet, my son and I now gleefully play along with their song advocating anarchy in the United Kingdom.
As they are being introduced to songs from my era, I am finally getting exposed to more recent songs I had never heard by groups like Weezer and The Strokes.
I like so much of what I’m hearing that I purchased a bunch of it. My co-workers are used to hearing music waft out of my office, but not from the likes of Tenacious D, singing/screaming about the virtues of heavy metal music.
Maybe people think I’m a silly old coot going through a second childhood. And maybe I am. But I’ve got to tell you...this game rocks, dude.
The generation gap can be bridged...with a plastic guitar.
Because my usual behavior doesn’t often match my age, one might question whether a generation gap actually exists in my household between my two teenage children and me. Actually, the fact that I’m using the term “generation gap” may be all the proof that’s needed.
But my teenagers and I have found a way to connect...through music.
Finding musical common ground between generations is not always that easy to do. After all, the music of my parents’ era was Frank Sinatra and Glenn Miller. It’s hard to believe that in terms of years, we are now as far removed from the Kiss song “Rock And Roll All Nite” as that song was from “In The Mood.” A lot of the music of the 1970s and ‘80s simply doesn’t seem that old. Even the current musical flavor du jour, hip hop, came to the fore at that time and doesn’t sound much different today. (Just for the record, I didn’t care for it then, either.)
Still, it’s shocking to me that songs that were once considered loud or decadent or edgy are now being used for school pom pom routines and show choir performances. In fact, it was the show choir experience that started to put my kids and I on the same musical map.
But it was when we purchased the video game “Guitar Hero” that our musical worlds really collided.
For the uninitiated, “Guitar Hero” features a guitar-shaped controller that allows players to simulate the playing of rock music. It’s easier than actually playing a guitar but the concept is the same. Your left hand is on the frets – though in this case, it’s pushbuttons – and your right hand uses a strum bar to “play” the notes. Basically, as a song plays, you see the notes you are supposed to play scrolling toward you on the video screen. At the right time, you simultaneously press the correct buttons and the strum bar. When you’re done with the song, you get a score based on the percentage of notes you played correctly. This game has obviously struck a chord with the public, as sales have now topped the $1 billion mark.
Beside the fact that it gives a musical no-talent like myself the feeling of actually being able to play a song, the 73 songs included in the game represent each of the past four decades, a veritable rock music history lesson.
Some of the game-maker’s song choices are inspired. Among the selections are 40-year old chestnuts by The Rolling Stones, Alice Cooper, Santana and Cream. It has certainly helped my kids’ musical education. Prior to this, they were not the least bit familiar with The Who or ZZ Top.
But at the same time, the selections show how much music has changed in the last 30 years. When I was in high school, The Dead Kennedys were a hardcore punk band on the lunatic fringe of rock music. Radio stations wouldn’t touch them. But they are now considered acceptable for the most popular video game in the world. Likewise with The Sex Pistols. At the time, they were incredibly controversial and just one more reason why my parents thought the end of the world was near. Yet, my son and I now gleefully play along with their song advocating anarchy in the United Kingdom.
As they are being introduced to songs from my era, I am finally getting exposed to more recent songs I had never heard by groups like Weezer and The Strokes.
I like so much of what I’m hearing that I purchased a bunch of it. My co-workers are used to hearing music waft out of my office, but not from the likes of Tenacious D, singing/screaming about the virtues of heavy metal music.
Maybe people think I’m a silly old coot going through a second childhood. And maybe I am. But I’ve got to tell you...this game rocks, dude.
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