(From the Janesville Messenger, 4-27-08)
About ten years ago, at an age where most people start to grow up, I found my inner child. I finally let loose the stage actor that was buried within me and let him come out to play.
Oh, I had done some goofy cable TV commercials before, but what I really wanted to do was Shakespeare. I would practice lines for no reason other than the sheer joy of doing it.
A chance meeting with Edie Baran, then the director of SpotLight on Kids, turned that dream into reality. She told me her adult troupe was going to do "A Midsummer Night's Dream" at Rotary Gardens, and encouraged me to audition. I jumped at the chance and ended up getting cast.
I loved every moment of that first stage experience. Making your stage debut with live Shakespeare at Rotary Gardens was like hitting a hole-in-one on your very first golf swing. (In fact, if you're listening, Rotary Gardens...how about bringing it back?)
After that experience, I was hooked. Since then, I've been fortunate enough to play roles like the Cowardly Lion in "The Wizard of Oz" and Cogsworth in "Disney’s Beauty and the Beast," as well as another "Midsummer Night's Dream," this time as Bottom, the bad actor turned into an ass.
The only downside to doing community theatre is the time commitment. It means I'm rarely home in the evenings and even on weekends. Lately, as both my family and I have gotten busier, it's been increasingly difficult to find the time to do a show. In fact, I haven't done a play since January 2006 and I'm getting very itchy to take the stage again.
So when JPAC announced they were doing a Nathan Lane comedy called "The Frogs" this summer, I jumped at the chance to audition.
There was only one problem with this plan; the play was a musical, which means singing and dancing. I like to think I'm a decent actor, but that's about the extent of what I can capably do. Alas, when it comes to my vocal abilities, the notes are often as flat as Old Milwaukee Beer. Pair that with the fact that I am as coordinated as a cow on stilts, and that does not exactly make me ‘musical material.’
However, despite those limitations, I had managed to make my way through "Wizard Of Oz," though choreographer Donna Berg may still be having nightmares about my learning curve on the “Jitterbug" number.
So I went to the audition for "The Frogs," confident I would somehow fit in on a show that sounded like it had the potential to be a lot of fun. During the audition, we were required to sing a song from a Broadway musical. I chose a hilarious, politically incorrect song called "If You Were Gay," from the Sesame Street parody "Avenue Q."
As I rehearsed the song in the days prior to the audition, I discovered that I really couldn't sing it very well. But I was pumped to do the song, so I decided to just affect a character voice and fake my way through it, the way I had as the Lion and Cogsworth.
I did the song as best I could, which wasn't good. Before I left the stage, the vocal director asked me to sing some scales so he could find my vocal range. He might have had better luck finding D.B. Cooper. I tried, but I have no idea if anything I sang was in the general vicinity of where it was supposed to be. When it comes to my own voice, I have more of a tin ear than the woodman in "The Wizard of Oz."
That was probably the point where I should have admitted I was in over my head and made my exit, stage left. But unfortunately, I didn't.
I and the other hopefuls were called back to the stage to attempt to learn a dance number. Panic gripped me. What the choreographer wanted us to do was eons more difficult than anything I had been asked to do before. I must have looked as lost as Rush Limbaugh at a Greenpeace meeting. Fearing that it would look unprofessional, but unwilling to further embarrass myself, I opted out.
Amazingly, I still was cast - in the only non-singing, non-dancing role in the show. Next time, before I go through the stress of an audition, I will keep my strengths and weaknesses in mind. Because as Jack Handey once said, “If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength...I hate to tell you, but that's another weakness.”
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Getting Steamed On Your Birthday
(From the Janesville Messenger, 4-6-08)
Birthdays are interesting in the Lyke family. For one thing, several of them coincide with holidays. My brother was born on New Year’s Day, my sister on Veteran’s Day. My son arrived on Christmas Eve. My mother was born on February 22, which was Washington’s Birthday before the powers-that-be robbed that day of holiday status in favor of the Presidents Day three-day weekend. My father set the tone for the family by being born on April Fool’s Day.
The majority of our birthdays fall in the winter months, particularly January. A lifelong farmer, my dad explained that fact by declaring that “spring is planting season.”
These days, I don’t get much excited about my birthday on January 26. Once I passed the midpoint between the ages of 18 and 70, I decided that the only thing worth looking forward to is the key lime pie that passes as my birthday cake.
Even though I don’t consider my birthday anything special, my wife still enjoys celebrating her annual orbit around the sun, so I act appropriately.
With each year, however, it gets tougher to figure out a new and exciting gift for her. We’ve been together for 25 years, married for 22. Some guys can get away with giving flowers, chocolates, or gift cards. Unfortunately, the bar is set a little higher for me. Deserved or not, I have a reputation for creativity. So she expects that I will come up with something better than the old standbys. And frankly, I expect that of myself as well.
As March 29 approached, I was totally bankrupt for ideas. Write her a poem or a song? Gone to that well a few times already. Special music collection? Been there, done that. Gift certificate for a massage? Did that recently, too. Make her dinner? Sure, that’s such a rarity in my house that it’s still considered a treat.
Right up to the big day, I was still scrambling for gift ideas. Desperate, I logged onto the Internet, typing the term “creative gift ideas” into search engines to see what came up. Finally, a shadow of an idea formed. She’s really into healthy eating; maybe something connected with that? I stumbled upon a site that talked about food steamers that cooked rice, fish and vegetables. It seemed to fit the bill, but....
I had heard horror stories of near-divorces brought on by giving a kitchen appliance as a gift. Would this be viewed as an appliance, or a thoughtful creative gift acknowledging something important to her? An informal survey (with an unscientifically small sampling) indicated that I would be all right, so I went for it.
A scant few hours before her birthday dinner, I was carefully selecting a steamer that wouldn’t steam her. Then it was the equally important birthday card. I generally alternate years between funny and sweet cards. If I can’t remember which year it is, I hedge my bets and go for sweet. As luck would have it, near the card display was a group of books perfect for gifts, and one of them was perfect for her. Done and done.
The woman who rang up my purchases looked at the card and the book and said, “Oh, that’s so sweet. You’re going to make somebody cry.” I didn’t know if my wife would cry, but at that moment, my 14-year-old son looked like he was going to puke. As far as the cashier’s assessment, well, she must not have realized the steamer was a gift, too. Or maybe she did.
Dinner came out just fine, with the exception of not making the wild rice properly. Yes, it’s possible to screw up rice if you’re as culinary-challenged as I am. Maybe I should have used the new steamer.
Finally the big moment arrives, the presenting of the gifts. The card and book were well received. So far, so good. Steamer? I immediately started explaining why I thought this was a good gift for her. Important tip for the future: if you feel like you have to explain your thought process behind a gift, you probably shouldn’t have gotten it.
It took three days, but she finally broke it to me that she didn’t think she would use the steamer, but she appreciated the thought.
As it turned out, she would have loved another gift certificate for a massage. I guess I don’t have to worry about an idea for next year.
Birthdays are interesting in the Lyke family. For one thing, several of them coincide with holidays. My brother was born on New Year’s Day, my sister on Veteran’s Day. My son arrived on Christmas Eve. My mother was born on February 22, which was Washington’s Birthday before the powers-that-be robbed that day of holiday status in favor of the Presidents Day three-day weekend. My father set the tone for the family by being born on April Fool’s Day.
The majority of our birthdays fall in the winter months, particularly January. A lifelong farmer, my dad explained that fact by declaring that “spring is planting season.”
These days, I don’t get much excited about my birthday on January 26. Once I passed the midpoint between the ages of 18 and 70, I decided that the only thing worth looking forward to is the key lime pie that passes as my birthday cake.
Even though I don’t consider my birthday anything special, my wife still enjoys celebrating her annual orbit around the sun, so I act appropriately.
With each year, however, it gets tougher to figure out a new and exciting gift for her. We’ve been together for 25 years, married for 22. Some guys can get away with giving flowers, chocolates, or gift cards. Unfortunately, the bar is set a little higher for me. Deserved or not, I have a reputation for creativity. So she expects that I will come up with something better than the old standbys. And frankly, I expect that of myself as well.
As March 29 approached, I was totally bankrupt for ideas. Write her a poem or a song? Gone to that well a few times already. Special music collection? Been there, done that. Gift certificate for a massage? Did that recently, too. Make her dinner? Sure, that’s such a rarity in my house that it’s still considered a treat.
Right up to the big day, I was still scrambling for gift ideas. Desperate, I logged onto the Internet, typing the term “creative gift ideas” into search engines to see what came up. Finally, a shadow of an idea formed. She’s really into healthy eating; maybe something connected with that? I stumbled upon a site that talked about food steamers that cooked rice, fish and vegetables. It seemed to fit the bill, but....
I had heard horror stories of near-divorces brought on by giving a kitchen appliance as a gift. Would this be viewed as an appliance, or a thoughtful creative gift acknowledging something important to her? An informal survey (with an unscientifically small sampling) indicated that I would be all right, so I went for it.
A scant few hours before her birthday dinner, I was carefully selecting a steamer that wouldn’t steam her. Then it was the equally important birthday card. I generally alternate years between funny and sweet cards. If I can’t remember which year it is, I hedge my bets and go for sweet. As luck would have it, near the card display was a group of books perfect for gifts, and one of them was perfect for her. Done and done.
The woman who rang up my purchases looked at the card and the book and said, “Oh, that’s so sweet. You’re going to make somebody cry.” I didn’t know if my wife would cry, but at that moment, my 14-year-old son looked like he was going to puke. As far as the cashier’s assessment, well, she must not have realized the steamer was a gift, too. Or maybe she did.
Dinner came out just fine, with the exception of not making the wild rice properly. Yes, it’s possible to screw up rice if you’re as culinary-challenged as I am. Maybe I should have used the new steamer.
Finally the big moment arrives, the presenting of the gifts. The card and book were well received. So far, so good. Steamer? I immediately started explaining why I thought this was a good gift for her. Important tip for the future: if you feel like you have to explain your thought process behind a gift, you probably shouldn’t have gotten it.
It took three days, but she finally broke it to me that she didn’t think she would use the steamer, but she appreciated the thought.
As it turned out, she would have loved another gift certificate for a massage. I guess I don’t have to worry about an idea for next year.
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