(From the Janesville Messenger, 4-6-08)
Birthdays are interesting in the Lyke family. For one thing, several of them coincide with holidays. My brother was born on New Year’s Day, my sister on Veteran’s Day. My son arrived on Christmas Eve. My mother was born on February 22, which was Washington’s Birthday before the powers-that-be robbed that day of holiday status in favor of the Presidents Day three-day weekend. My father set the tone for the family by being born on April Fool’s Day.
The majority of our birthdays fall in the winter months, particularly January. A lifelong farmer, my dad explained that fact by declaring that “spring is planting season.”
These days, I don’t get much excited about my birthday on January 26. Once I passed the midpoint between the ages of 18 and 70, I decided that the only thing worth looking forward to is the key lime pie that passes as my birthday cake.
Even though I don’t consider my birthday anything special, my wife still enjoys celebrating her annual orbit around the sun, so I act appropriately.
With each year, however, it gets tougher to figure out a new and exciting gift for her. We’ve been together for 25 years, married for 22. Some guys can get away with giving flowers, chocolates, or gift cards. Unfortunately, the bar is set a little higher for me. Deserved or not, I have a reputation for creativity. So she expects that I will come up with something better than the old standbys. And frankly, I expect that of myself as well.
As March 29 approached, I was totally bankrupt for ideas. Write her a poem or a song? Gone to that well a few times already. Special music collection? Been there, done that. Gift certificate for a massage? Did that recently, too. Make her dinner? Sure, that’s such a rarity in my house that it’s still considered a treat.
Right up to the big day, I was still scrambling for gift ideas. Desperate, I logged onto the Internet, typing the term “creative gift ideas” into search engines to see what came up. Finally, a shadow of an idea formed. She’s really into healthy eating; maybe something connected with that? I stumbled upon a site that talked about food steamers that cooked rice, fish and vegetables. It seemed to fit the bill, but....
I had heard horror stories of near-divorces brought on by giving a kitchen appliance as a gift. Would this be viewed as an appliance, or a thoughtful creative gift acknowledging something important to her? An informal survey (with an unscientifically small sampling) indicated that I would be all right, so I went for it.
A scant few hours before her birthday dinner, I was carefully selecting a steamer that wouldn’t steam her. Then it was the equally important birthday card. I generally alternate years between funny and sweet cards. If I can’t remember which year it is, I hedge my bets and go for sweet. As luck would have it, near the card display was a group of books perfect for gifts, and one of them was perfect for her. Done and done.
The woman who rang up my purchases looked at the card and the book and said, “Oh, that’s so sweet. You’re going to make somebody cry.” I didn’t know if my wife would cry, but at that moment, my 14-year-old son looked like he was going to puke. As far as the cashier’s assessment, well, she must not have realized the steamer was a gift, too. Or maybe she did.
Dinner came out just fine, with the exception of not making the wild rice properly. Yes, it’s possible to screw up rice if you’re as culinary-challenged as I am. Maybe I should have used the new steamer.
Finally the big moment arrives, the presenting of the gifts. The card and book were well received. So far, so good. Steamer? I immediately started explaining why I thought this was a good gift for her. Important tip for the future: if you feel like you have to explain your thought process behind a gift, you probably shouldn’t have gotten it.
It took three days, but she finally broke it to me that she didn’t think she would use the steamer, but she appreciated the thought.
As it turned out, she would have loved another gift certificate for a massage. I guess I don’t have to worry about an idea for next year.
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